I finally found a lube that doesn't burn!

I finally found a lube that doesn't burn! It is Astroglide All-Natural. And, it is the best one I have found.
Yesterday, I was able to insert both dilator number one and then dilator two with very little pain. This means, I'm halfway there!
But, I'm tired. I'm busy. I'm sick of doing these exercises!
I have been offered a full-time job in my field, however it doesn't pay enough for my husband to quit his and go back to school. So, I'm working full-time and searching for a better job. I have an interview soon for a job that would pay enough. But, I doubt I have enough experience to get it. And, I only have like 3 weeks to get a better job or he will have to wait until January to go back to school.
I'm tired of everything!

Lube Burns

I cannot find a lube that does not burn! I tried KY and it burned! I tried a warming lube someone gave me for my lingerie shower before I got married and it burned! I tried Astro Glide and it burned! So, finally my husband bought an all-natural brand of Astro Glide. I will try that next. I was able to insert the smallest dilator multiple times today. The only pain was from the burning of the lubes. I will try dilator 2, if I don't have problems with dilator 1 next time. Hopefully, this new lube won't burn.
P.S. I just saw a preview for a show on TLC called Strange Sex. I think they will be mentioning vaginismus, so I'm going to try and watch it. We need to be heard! I just hope someone out there is reading this blog. And, that it's helping.

No Pain, Today

I was able to insert the 1st dilator with no pain whatsoever, today. This is the first time I have felt no pain or discomfort at all when inserting. I was able to insert it 4 times and move it around a little with no pain at all.
Yay!

I spend an unusual amount of time with ice on my crotch

I spend an unusual amount of time with ice on my crotch. After my surgery, I to spent three days in bed with ice on my crotch 24 hours a day. Today, I am back to the couch with more ice on my crotch. This is the product of trying to do too much too fast.
Today, I inserted the smallest dilator with little pain. So, I tried to insert the 2nd dilator. This is where the problems started. It hurt while I was inserting it, but I kept going. I ended up getting it almost all of the way in. But, it hurt so much I felt like I was going to pass out. I took it out and was still in pain. As of right now, I still can't sit directly down. And, I'm on the couch with an ice pack. It hurts. This proves that I was trying to move too fast too soon. I have decided to go back to dilator number one. I will not move on to dilator number two until I can insert one in and out and all around with no pain whatsoever. This may take longer, but I definitely can't do this again.

Still Hurting But Still Progressing

I made some more progress, today. After taking two days off, I decided I would try to insert the smallest dilator, again. I was able to insert it three different times, but the first two times it burned and was very uncomfortable. I then decided that I would try to lubricate the dilator with the sample of Astro Glide that came with the dilators. I had been using KY, but I think that may be contributing to the burning feeling I have been experiencing. I was able to insert the smallest dilator with the Astro Glide without pain. I will now be sending my husband out to buy more Astro Glide.
I then decided to take the next step and try to insert the 2nd dilator. The measurements for the 2nd dilator are:
2 - Dilator 15/16" [24mm] 1-1/16" [27mm] 4-5/16" [110mm]
I was able to get this dilator about half of the way in. However, it was very uncomfortable and started to hurt. So, I pulled it out. I plan on taking tomorrow night off because I have to work. (I am now working as a part-time reporter at a newspaper until I find something full-time and I have to cover a board meeting). I will try again on Tuesday. I will insert the smallest dilator again and then move on the the 2nd again. I hope I am able to get the 2nd dilator in all the way.
P.S. You may be wondering how I have a journalism degree and work as a reporter when most of my posts have AP,grammar and spelling mistakes. I really try to write this in the same manner as I would talk to or text a friend. Also, this is an outlet for me. So, I don't really want to spend time concentrating on AP Style and checking my spelling. I just want to be as honest as possible and get my story out there.
I want to help those of you who are also suffering.

Think of yourself as on the threshold of unparalleled success

I had more success with smallest dilator, today. I inserted the smallest dilator with relatively little pain. However, once I got it all the way in, I started to have a panic attack. I felt as if I was about to pass out. I ended up only being able to hold it in for a little while before taking it out.
After leaving it out for a few minutes, I reinserted it. This time it went in pretty fast and pretty painlessly. I was able to do the pelvic floor exercises while it was in and I was also able to pull it in and out a few times. I did all of this with very little pain.
I do feel a little sore now, but nothing too bad. I plan on taking the next few days off to rest. I'm also going to be in a wedding this weekend, so I will be out of town. So, Sunday I will start back up.
I plan on doing the extended time exercise on Sunday. This is where I will take the smallest dilator off of the holder and insert it. I will then put my underwear back on and try to leave the dilator inserted in my vagina for an extended period of time. The book suggested at least 30 minutes.
The pelvic floor exercises are designed to help you control your pelvic floor muscles. The Completely Overcome Vaginismus book suggests that you complete the floor exercises before you start inserting the dilators, then continue to do the exercises while the dilators are in.
There are four types of exercises; The Clamp- Flex (tighten) the PC muscles hard for three seconds and then relax them for three seconds, The Blink- Flex the PC muscles hard and then relax them as fast as you can in a flickering manner, The Slow Mo- Using the PC muscles, slowly squeeze your lips shut and pull up you pelvic floor as far as you can until it feels tight. Then slowly release, letting the pelvic floor down and out all the way.
It feels great to have success, but the rest of the dilators still seem pretty imposible...

A Little Bit of Regression and Everything Sucks

Everything Sucks

Well, it looks like I have regressed a little. Yesterday, I was able to insert the smallest dilator all the way with very little pain. However, today when I tried to insert the smallest dilator, it hurt and burned a lot. I was only able to insert it about 1/3 of the way in, before I had to take it out. That sucks. I feel so discouraged! I thought I was making such progress! :(
I think I am going to give myself tomorrow off. Maybe, it just hurt so much because I was still sore from yesterday. I will try the smallest dilator again on Thursday. Hopefully, it won't hurt. And, from then on I will only try insertions every other day, so as not to get too sore. All I can do is wait and see what Thursday brings, I guess...

Regression Sucks. Vaginismus Sucks. That Burning Pain feeling Sucks. Dilators Suck. KY Sucks. Everything Sucks.