I've never known the loving of a man, but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

For a while I stalled at dilator three. I couldn't get passed a quarter of the way in. I tried laying down, sitting up, leg on the toilet everything. But, couldn't get more than 1/4 of the way in.
Well, tonight I was finally able to get a little further in. I was able to get dilator 3 a little bit less than halfway in with little pain.
However, I hit a "wall" and couldn't go further than that. I still feel dizzy and like I can't breathe sometimes...
It's been four months and I can see the end of this ordeal in my sights.
It still sucks. It still hurts. It's still frustrating. It's still unfair. It's still hard. But, it's getting easier to handle. It's getting more routine. I don't feel like a freak of nature anymore. Now, it just kind of feels like physical therapy. I refer to it as my "exercises" and pencil it in on my calender. I kind of feel like my friend who has to do physical therapy exercises twice a week for a knee injury... It all seems less dramatic now.
I've said all along I would like to write about my experiences to help others. I still would. But I doubt I will ever be able to attach my real name to it. I would never be able to speak out. How hypocritical of me is that? I complain because it is so hidden and so secretive, but then I won't speak out about it either. I think mainly for my husband's sake. We've been together since high school. What would everyone back home say? What would our family say? I don't really think anyone would believe me anyway..It's been so well hidden for years.