Still at it

Still at the biggest dilator. Getting it in 1/4 of the way. Still giving myself until June 6th before I go back to the doctor.

It's been a while

I know it's been a while since I last posted, I was just trying to make more progress. I have continued to do the exercises every couple of days. I decided a few posts back that I was going to have to get the 4th dilator out and use it. I had previously thought that if I just got comfortable enough with the third, I would be able to have sex. But, that's not the case. I have moved through dilator three and can now get it in most of the time with ease and little discomfort. I have even moved on to the 4th and biggest dilator. I was able to get it in about 2/5 of the way in tonight. I still feel like I'm making progress. Slow progress, but progress. June 6th will be one year since the surgery. That is my new deadline. If I haven't had sex by then, I'm making an appointment with a physical therapist.Until next time...
Franny

V Day

Happy Valentine's Day!
After trying pretty unsucessfully to try and have sex two nights last week, I've decided to go back to the dilators. I did however order female condoms and vaginal contraceptive insertions because I think they will make things easier when I feel I can try again.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday I decided to just leave dilator two in instead of doing my regular exercises. It went pretty well. I left it in for about 20 minutes and it didn't hurt at all. Today, I went ahead with my regular exercises. Again I inserted two and three. They both went in all the way. Dilator three still hurt some and felt about the same. However, it feels a lot better when I'm done. I don't feel sore at all. So, I think I'm making progress...

A little bit easier

I can tell the exercises are getting a little bit easier. Tonight, I went right in with dilator two. I didn't have to use the mirror to line it up. I feel like it's becoming easier to put them in and out. I don't have to spend as much time lining up the dilators. Two went in pretty easy. So, I moved on to number three. Again, I did it without a mirror. It was a little bit harder. I got it in about halfway through and it hurt so I took it out. I decided to try again with lining it up with the mirror. It went in easier. It still kind of hurt though. But, I do feel like it's getting a little bit easier.

4

I did more exercises tonight. I did one, two and three. They all went in pretty good. Three hurt, but not as much.

Love, husband and vaginismus

My husband and I did more of my exercises today and made more progress. I really feel that we are on the way to having a healthy sexual relationship and maybe one day children. He has loved me through eight years of this.

Why?

It's very hard for me to understand why anyone would have a problem with someone trying to have a sexual relationship with their spouse. Yet, I am being continually harassed by someone who tells me, "God doesn't want you to have sex."

Genesis 1:28. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."

Matthew 19:6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together.

Song of Solomon is completely dedicated to the love of a husband and wife and their expression of that love. 6:3 I am my lover's and my lover is mine.

Fist Corinthians 7:4-5 . The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

So in fact, I believe God does want me to have sex. I believe my intact hymen is a medical issue that is no different than my mother having cancer. But, there are people out there who think my mother should just die and go through treatment, I guess.

More Lube

I ordered more lube from www.awomanstouchonline.com today. I ordered the Silk one. I've done my exercises twice since I last blogged. They're still pretty much the same. I get the last one all of the way in, but it hurts. I was able to leave it in for about 45 seconds this time...
I'll keep trying.

Skipping 2

I decided to skip dilator two this time. I went straight from dilator one to three. I think it was easier. Dilator three didn't hurt as much and I was able to leave it in for a little longer--like 30 seconds instead of 10.
I will try that again on Wednesday.

Write your own life story

I'm still trying. I did the dilator exercises again tonight. Again, dilators one and two didn't hurt, but three did. I inserted it twice. The first time i got it all of the way in, but it hurt a lot. The third time, I was only able to get it halfway in because it burned too much.
I plan on doing the dilator exercises again Monday night. I think I may just do dilator one and then three. Maybe inserting two and leaving it in for a few minutes is making me too sore for dilator three.
This is kind of frustrating because I'm sooo close! This is the last dilator!! If I could only get it all of the way in without hurting, I could move on to sex!
But it's also encouraging. I remember when I couldn't even get a q-tip in. There was a time when I couldn't even imagine fitting this dilator in and now I can.
I can't wait for the day when I can write, I've done it!

Third time's not so charming

Hello,

I was able to get the biggest dilator all of the way in for the third time today, but it wasn't so great. I did the same thing I did the last two times. I started with dilator one and it was easy, went on to dilator two and it was easy, but dilator three was kind of painful and uncomfortable.
This was probably because I only took a day break in-between and was still a little sore. I think I will take Thursday and Friday off and try the dilators again on Saturday. Sometimes I get upset that I'm not making faster progress..it's been seven months....
I'm just trying to stay positive and stay focused!

You guys

I just wanted to say THANK YOU for the comments from the other women who commented on blog that are going through this.
You and others like us are the reason I'm writing this blog.
As for the man or woman who keeps posting negative comments, you can stop. You are never going to change my mind. I will continue to do treatment for vaginismus until I'm cured. or dead.
P.S. You suck, Myupaki! You rock, Fernie, Maggie and JochebedJames!

Heart Attacks are Wack

Hello!
Sorry it's been a week--my dad had a heart attack! :(
He's home now and doing fine, but its been a crazy week.
On to the dilators:
Today:
Dilator 1: All the way in--easy
Dilator 2: All the way in--easy
Dilator 3: Hard..it hurt..it went all of the way in, but I had to take it out as soon as it got in.
Tomorrow:
Meeting After work: no exercises
Wednesday:
Do it all over again!

*I'm on the last dilator! All I have to do is get to where it doesn't hurt!!*

40-Love

YAAYY! I got the last dilator I'm using all the way in tonight. I started out with the two smaller ones, got them in without any problems and then started in with number three. It went in fairly easily, but it hurt so I had to take it out immediately. I tried to put it in again, but it hurt too much and I had to take it out halfway through. But, I'm still pretty pumped about it! Now, I just have to get to the point where it goes in easily!
So, the dilator v. me score is 3-0 or in tennis terms 40-Love.
P.S. I beat my husband in six out of 10 matches of tennis! haha. win sauce!

I've never gone this far before

I made it halfway through the last dilator! This is as far as I have gotten in this process. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would during. But, I did feel dizzy and light headed during. I am more sore now than I usually am though. I also found two good all-natural lubes that don't burn.
Yays!