Is This What Normal Feels Like?

It has been 13 days since I had a Hymenectomy. It definitely feels different. I was able to quit taking aspirin at the end of last week. And, I don't have any pain anymore. I do think I can feel a difference. I haven't actually tried to physically feel where the hymen was removed, because I'm not sure I am completley healed, yet. The doctors said my stitches would dissolve in about two weeks, but I'm not supposed to come in for a follow-up until 4 weeks. (Reminder to self: Call Dr. and set up follow-up appointment) So, I don't really want to mess anything up.
But, I do think I can feel more of an opening, now. Maybe it is just in my head. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't really matter. Maybe if I feel that it is more open, even if it is just in my head, that will make me more susceptible to the physical and emotional therapy I will be going through. Maybe this is what normal feels like.
Although I do feel there is a physical difference, I also still clench my legs and gets nervous just thinking about the follow-up pelvic exam. I know the doctors were able to use the largest speculum available during the exam. However, it is still hard for me to wrap my head around that. Maybe they should have taken a photo to prove it to me. I know, that is probably unethical or something. But, I would have definitely given my permission in the name of science and my sanity. After five years of feeling like it is impossible, it is hard to just suddenly accept. That is where my therapy will come in, I suppose.
On another positive note, my skin is clearing up! I have struggled with acne for 3-4 years. When I say struggled, I mean struggled. I went the dermatologist. I had prescription antibiotics, creams, lotions, you name it. I also tried every over the counter product you could think of. But, nothing worked. When I went the the gynecologist about a month ago, she was able to prescribe me birth control. I was never able to be on it before because I was never able to have a pelvic exam. Well, I'm happy to report after a month, my face is clearing up! Well, maybe it was the combination of the birth control and the New Proactive I started using last month. Either way, I'm happy.
Is this what normal feels like? I've spent so many years not being normal and hiding it. It feels freeing to perform these simple tasks, like take a birth control pill every day. Every day I get closer and closer to being "normal". But, in a way I will never be normal. Having had Vaginismus and undergoing treatment, that will automatically make me different. But, I have a feeling not as different as I once believed. I think there are more of you out there like me. That's why I'm writing this.