Monday, June 28, 2010

The Sluts vs. Virgins Epidemic

Why in this society do we continue to teach our teenage girls that they must either be sluts or virgins? Why are we not teaching our youth about responsible sexual behavior. Tonight I caught a rerun of one of my favorite documentaries, 16 and Pregnant on MTV. They also made a follow up serious called Teen Mom.
Watching this show takes me back to my high school years. Like myself, most of these girls grew up in rural lower middle class families. 9 times out of 10 the girls and their partners did not use birth control. And, most of them say they,"just didn't think they would get pregnant." This is our fault.
As a teen I was taught one thing, if you have sex before you get married you are whore. Sex is for marriage. I was even told in one youth group session that there was no reason to know too much about your anatomy down there because it would all work out once you were married. Our bodies were made to fit perfectly with our future spouses. Which, as you can imagine, was terrible shock when I realized that no, my body did not fit perfectly with my husband.
There was no sex education in my home, in my school or in my church. It was all scare tactics and gossip. The guys calling the girls whores, the girls calling each other sluts and the girl whose homecoming title was taken away from her for getting pregnant. How can we not teach our teens about sex and then act shocked and appalled when they end up pregnant at 16? I do realize that by growing up the "bible belt" what I was taught is very different than in larger cities. So, if you're reading this from New York you're probably thinking, "What is this 1953?" But, where I'm from and where the teenage pregnancy rate is rising, not much has changed since 1953.
I admit, there is a part of me that gets angry when I watch this show. It's not fair these young careless girls can go out and get pregnant at 15 and I can't even have sex with my husband. But, that's not the point. The point is for the first time in years teen pregnancy is on the rise. It's because we are not educating our youth.
I believe that my lack of real sexual education and education about my own body may be a contributing factor to my vaginismus. I was told over and over again that sex is bad. And, if you do it you are a whore. We were basically taught to fear sex. My parents, teachers, church leaders had good intentions. I'm not saying they didn't. I don't think 16-year-old's should be having sex either. But, they are. They will continue to do so. And, if I could have I would have, too.
If we aren't teaching them properly we are only causing more damage. I can't say for a fact that this lead directly to my vaginismus. There is not way of knowing why I suffer from vaginismus. But, these messages do contribute directly to the teen birth rate. So, why are we doing this to our young girls? Why are me making them feel ashamed of their bodies and their feelings?
Why can't we stress abstinence and also educate? The last time I checked knowledge was power. Why can't we empower these girls instead of tearing them down? I believe we should give our youths choices. Choices about birth control, choices about sex, choices about their lives. We teach them chemistry and hope they take that knowledge and go to college and make good choices and lead good lives. But, we can't teach them how to properly use a condom and hope they take knowledge and make good choices and lead good lives?
I don't understand it. I refuse to be a part of this. So, I write. I write everything I have never told anyone. With the hope that someone might learn from this.

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