Inspired by reading Butterfly's blog and my book I decided to try to insert a Q-tip. I used KY and was able to insert it a little. Basically, I just got the actual cotton tip part in.
It didn't hurt at all, but I felt like I was freaking out a little. Every time I tried to push it in further I felt dizzy and like I was going to pass out and automatically shut my knees. I was able to get it in very far because I kept freaking out, feeling like I was going to pass out and that caused my muscles tighten which caused a burn.
So, I just left it in where it was for a while. Which really opened a whole new door of emotions. I actually have tears in my eyes writing this because it was so surreal. First of all, just looking in the mirror and opening up I could see there actually was a tiny opening there. Which never was there before! Before I felt like I didn't ever know really where I was trying to push because everything was so closed up! But, now I can see!
So basically, I just left it in for about 10 minutes letting my body get used to the feeling of having something in it. Which, I can say helped emotionally. Just setting there where something inserted inside my was crazy!! I actually took a picture, LOL, to show my husband when he gets home. Let's hope I don't lose that memory card!!
But, I am considering this a SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God for small successes and q-tip blessings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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